This week I have found myself moved by how the sufferings of Jesus are tragically similar to the sufferings of so many who have been abused.   These similarities are no coincidence and for some reason they have been a source of comfort to me during this important week in the Christian faith.   Perhaps, you may find some comfort as well.

Failed promises:  Survivors are frequently promised support from those who never follow through.  In fact, it is often those same people who end up asking the hurting survivor, “Can’t you just move on?” Just hours before he denies even knowing Jesus, Peter promises Jesus, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” Jesus understands.

Good Friday - photo courtesy of Victor Nuno via Flickr

Good Friday – photo courtesy of Victor Nuno via Flickr (Image source)

Betrayed:  Over 90% of victims are abused by someone they know and trust.  Someone who has spent a lot time with the victim and shared many life experiences.  Someone who nobody expects would betray and abuse.   Judas spent three years with Jesus and had shared some amazing moments with him and the other disciples. Nobody expected Judas to betray Jesus.   Jesus understands.

Abandoned:  Survivors are often abandoned when those they hope will walk alongside them fall asleep or flee.  This leaves them alone and all too often in the hands of those who will inflict more pain.  On the night that he was betrayed, Jesus asked three of his closest disciples to come with him to pray.   Instead of praying, they fell asleep.  When Jesus needed them most, they were focused on themselves.  If that wasn’t bad enough, a few hours later they ran away from Jesus when Judas arrived with the soldiers.   Jesus understands.

Abused and mocked by the Church:  I have encountered too many survivors who have been dehumanized by a Church that mocks them and demands their silence.    After being arrested, Jesus was immediately taken before Caiaphas the high priest.  In the place where one might hope that the Son of God would be loved and served, Jesus was mocked, slapped, spit upon and silenced. Jesus understands.

Denied:  Survivors often discover that family and friends are often the ones who refuse to believe them and all too often walk away not wanting much to do with them.  One of the darkest moments of Scripture is when Simon Peter denied knowing Jesus three times.  The same man who lived with Jesus, fought for Jesus, and promised Jesus he would never leave, actually cussed out the person who dared associate him with Jesus.  Jesus understands. 

Injustice:  As a prosecutor, I encountered too many cases where hurting individuals never found justice in a system that fraught with failure.  I know a survivor who years after the abuse finally found enough strength to report the perpetrator to the police.   She was recently informed that this offender would not be prosecuted.   This is no different than two thousand years ago.  Is there any question that the justice system failed Jesus?  An innocent man was sentenced to death by a governor who had no concern for justice.  Jesus understands.

Offender embraced and the innocent sacrificed:  Time and time again individuals who have been accused of abuse or covering it up are supported and embraced, while the lives and souls of their victims are sacrificed.  This is no different than when the crowds welcomed and embraced the release of a “notorious prisoner” named Barabbas in exchange for the sacrifice of the innocent Son of God.  How many Barabbas’s has the Church welcomed and embraced in exchange for the sacrifice of innocent souls.  Jesus understands.

The Crosses on Good Friday - photo courtesy of Jason St. Peter via Flickr

The Crosses on Good Friday – photo courtesy of Jason St. Peter via Flickr (Image source)

Suffering in the darkness:  I mentioned in my last post that there are so many trapped in the dark places of the Church.  These survivors have been ignored and discarded by a Church focused so much on itself that it fails to recognize and love them.  They are left alone in this darkness to die.  As Jesus hung on the tree, a thick darkness covered the land until his death.  Here was Jesus dying alone in the dark, ignored by a world so fixated upon itself that it failed to recognize and love the Son of God.  Jesus understands.

Jesus walked the dark road of abandonment, isolation, and deep suffering.  He understands.  He grieves.  He cares.   He took this upon Himself fueled by an indescribable love. A love that breathes new life into hearts that have been sacrificed and discarded by the darkness.  A love that brings freedom.  A love that never fails even when nothing makes sense.  As I write this, I weep thinking about all those who feel so lost and alone on a dark road that seems to have no end.  You are an amazing soul and are not alone.

You are loved and cherished by the One who will never make you an empty promise.
You are loved and cherished by the One who will never betray you.
You are loved and cherished by the One who will never abandon you.
You are loved and cherished by the One who will never abuse or mock you.
You are loved and cherished by the One who will never deny you.
You are loved and cherished by the One who will never be unjust.
You are loved and cherished by the One who will never sacrifice you.
You are loved and cherished by the One who will never leave you alone in the darkness.
You are loved and cherished by Jesus who will never let you go.

Good Friday is a difficult but beautiful reminder that new life and hope are on the way.

 

Categories: Beliefs, Culture

Beliefs: , , , ,

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Boz Tchividjian

Boz Tchividjian

“Boz” Tchividjian is a former child abuse chief prosecutor and is the founder and executive director of GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment). Boz is also an Associate Professor of Law at Liberty University School of Law, and is a published author who speaks and writes extensively on issues related to abuse within the faith community. He is the 3rd-eldest grandchild of the Rev. Billy Graham.

131 Comments

  1. Karen Rabbitt

    Excellent points. And, as a survivor and (retired) psychotherapist, that he was likely naked on the cross speaks. That’s sexual abuse. Jesus understands.

  2. Learning to be a survivor

    This is beautiful. I wish I could hold onto it and believe it all – believe it in a way that it would bring some freedom. I don’t know how people are able to “feel” the love of Jesus, but what does love feel like?
    You said that he has a love that brings freedom. How does that happen?
    Do we have to trust him to be loved by him?
    I see these words and am partly hopeful, but partly sad, knowing that I can’t really understand or connect to these things being true. I want to believe them, but don’t know how. What does love even feel like?

    • Jesus loves us whether we trust Him or not. Sometimes this feels wonderful and comforting. Sometimes it feels like nothing at all. Regardless of how I feel, I know Jesus not only cares and understands but He proved his love by dying for me. As you seek to understand, I pray you find Him who is our hope and our peace.

  3. I’m still scratching my head wondering why any victims still attend church or even believe in a God who’s name has been so misused and abused by those who claim to serve Him.
    I’ve contacted many pastors about the group I grew up in that is still actively recruiting in their churches. Very few reply, some ask for further evidence and then back out of conversations when they see the overwhelming proof.

    After my childhood as an MK and then returning home, I found the only honest path for myself was to call myself an Agnostic. Very few pastors care and far to many are naively turning a blind eye to child sex abuse. And yet regularly we see pastor after pastor or youth worker ending up in the courts charged with sexual abuse of children.

    To my Christian friends, Happy Easter. To those of us who have become disillusioned with it all, enjoy the break.

    • I was abused and still believe in God because I know that God didn’t abuse me, He didn’t condone it either. here is part of a thing I wrote about that:

      “Sometimes I wondered if it was a punishment from God, but He showed me that He is not like that, there are things people do to each other down here that never entered into His heart…

      And they have built the high places of Tophet, which is in the valley of the son of Hinnom, to burn their sons and their daughters in the fire; which I commanded them not, neither came it into my heart. Jer 7:31

      Jesus spoke of the world and the unclean spirits that are in it, we live in a fallen world.

      Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: 3 Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others. Eph 2:2-3

      Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them. 9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. 10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. John 10:7-11

      When I asked a friend in my despair, “why didn’t God prevent it? why didn’t He do anything?” it occurred to me that He did do something, Jesus went to the cross. I may never understand why I had to suffer what I did, but I know what I would have been like if He had never gone to that cross for me. He sought me out, He gave me a desire to seek Him. He delivered me and He saved me from being the same as the people that abused me. He also kept me from being locked in a prison of hate and bitterness.” http://littlesanctuaryministries.org/sexualimmorality/takenbyforcerape.html

      probably the most important thing I have learned from going to various churches is that not all that call Him Lord, Lord, do what He says, many that work and or attend church have never met the Living Jesus. They profess they know Him but in their works they deny Him. My friend Zoanne Wilkie said she used to know Jesus like she knew Abraham Lincoln, she thought He was a great guy, and memorized some things He said, she even professed He was the Son of God, then one day she met Him. Him who is Love, and Truth.

      God’s judgement upon people that molest children or rape people is very great:

      • thank you; the question of actually believing, or imprinting on the inside that Gods’ love is present for “me” if I “do all he right things or not.. remains..
        I do appreciate your comments on Jer 7:31.., Ephesians and John 10.

        I must often Choose love though I don’t feel it nor do I really believe it is for me to beloved.. be-loved…a beloved…
        not without some kind of required task .. this is what I have pondered today..thank you for your insights, Sam

  4. Sister Geraldine Marie

    Some of the most abused people in the U.S. (and probably the world), are the elderly: I’m one of them and I know. We are abused by family and “neighbors” who wish to steal our property and shout at us as if we are the ones doing wrong–I was told that both me and my dog are “hated” and that we would be “gotten rid of!” So, now I’m being sued in order that my house may be stolen from me. It doesn’t matter that I’m a veteran, a registered nurse and disabled. They want me out of the way so they can take my house and they slander me to bolster their cause. The authorities are very little help. Complaints don’t matter. Who cares about seniors–they should just die and get out of the younger people’s way. Those that are young, don’t seem to realize that they are getting older themselves, every moment!
    The most vulnerable in any society: the very young, elderly and disabled should be protected. The late Mickey Rooney, told Congress, “If I can be abused, anyone can!”

  5. Thank you for your goal of bringing comfort to those suffering from abuse. There are a couple major differences however: 1. The cross was at the end of Jesus’s “career,” not as a innocent child. 2. Christ chose the cross so that God’s will could be done. 3. Christ suffered on the cross publically; he wasn’t raped privately. 4. Christ’s suffering fulfilled his faith/witness while child molestation often kills the soul. 5. In the christian teaching, others benefit from Christ’s suffering because he takes on the sins of the world while others affected by child victims of the clergy are “secondary victims” who suffer emotionally and spiritually. 6. Those who killed Jesus sought to end his ministry while the priest who raped children were (are) viewed as “Christ on earth” by their parish and these criminals have been ordained to minister to the children and their faith development. While it may give some comfort to know that Jesus knows our every suffering, I cannot understand why a “loving God” would allow any innocent child suffer in such a way, especially by those in religious garments and why God would allow the survivors to continue to suffer as adults, both with emotionally/spiritually and with the law and corruption of the Catholic church that refuses to cooperate with victims, refuses to release names of known pedophiles and diverts funds to “protect” them from settlements of victims.

    • Well said, however, suffering is suffering and Jesus GAVE Himself to suffer for us as individuals. The reality that victims are continually victimized should only deepen the understanding that the human race is in need of a redeemer. Our responsibility naturally leads to a search. A search for a (the) redeemer. If in fact the grave is not the end of the life of the human soul, then somehow that soul must be redeemed. Therefore, our search must seek out the systematic deliverance of a redeemer. As for me, the Scriptures set forth the most reasonable, cognizable, historically verifiable, logical, and marvelous plan given among as well as to men. Needless to say, diligence in study is required to see the depth of any design and redemptions plan is by design.

  6. I have lost my faith right now, for the first time in my 43 years of life. This is the first thing that has broken through the wall I’ve put up. Thank you for this article. Really spoke to me.

  7. Thank you,

    even after many years forgiving and forgiving..asking Yeshua to help; to forgive where I can’t..while I know He does, though I do out of obedience, pain remains.
    Thank you for this devotion; I do praise GOD for you and your wife and your team..much love to all of you!

  8. “Offender embraced and the innocent sacrificed” — Even the church you least expect to do this can and will do it. And for a victim it is highly, highly traumatizing. It has been for me.

    • I have stopped expecting that any church will be able to support and defend the victims of in-house predators; I do not think this will ever happen.
      I do not go to church; I do not intend to go to church..ever again..My in-law family are rising up in defense of a well known denomination which is bloodied and scarred with their in-house sins and crimes.I expect that from everyone except those who’se lives are scarred by in-house abuse on every level.
      I don’t mind taking hits from my in-law family..I will survive that, but someone has to defend and be a voice for those who are violated.
      Anyway… I will expose what I can..the rest, I leave to the hands of The righteous JUDGE..but I will not bend my knee to anyone else..

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  1. […] By the way, Jesus Christ – the perfect Son of God – prayed a similar prayer as he faced his crucifixion, during which he would bear the full wrath of God against sin so that we could be saved (Luke 22: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”) Jesus experienced the ultimate suffering so he is able to understand ours. […]

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